And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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