I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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