operation have a gay friend backfired
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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