you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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