Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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