You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize