I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
