you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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