He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
