Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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