I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
