Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
