Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone came in the potted fern
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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