You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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