and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
