she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
