420 ftw
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
