You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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