I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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