just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
