MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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