i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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