No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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