Sry I called you an 8
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
