I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
