3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
