Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love having hate sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
