Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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