My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
