We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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