dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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