sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
