what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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