It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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