I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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