Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
