I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
