i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
