i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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