the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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