Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
