addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
