He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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