why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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