Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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