wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
