smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
