I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
