Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
