I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
