Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
