Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
