Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
