He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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