hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
