As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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