I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
