I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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