fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
