The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your penis caused this!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
