I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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