He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
