Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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