I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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