im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
